Starting Community From Scratch

How to host a Thanksgiving feast

and

Nov 13, 2025

This Weekly Edition of Inkwell features Jenna O’Brien

ONE YEAR AGO, I was standing at an off-putting neon green storage unit in the Florida summer sun, waiting for another stranger from Facebook Marketplace to buy another lamp from me. I stood in the air-conditioned hallway, eerily surrounded by endless closed storage units. I glanced inside my own unit, which was emptying quickly. This meant the days in my home were dwindling.

That summer, we sold most of our things. We cancelled our lease and spent three months sleeping in friends’ guest rooms to save money. The plan was to move to New York City. The ocean of the city seemed to beckon us, like a magnet I didn’t quite understand.

I had a long list of fears. The cost of living was a big one, duh. Also, everything I’ve ever heard about the subway. And then, of course, leaving behind every friend and family member we love to move somewhere where we didn’t know anyone at all. September came, and we put the dog and an unruly cat into a U-Haul and drove from Florida to begin again in New York. Exhausted after 14 hours of travel, we arrived at an empty apartment in Brooklyn—our empty apartment.

I convinced myself it would be lonely for a long time, since we were starting from scratch on community. But then something very unexpected happened. People. Interesting, fascinating, vivid personalities. Artists and poets. Friends? I began to know people’s names and stories, a warmth to my first frigid winter.

Building a community takes vulnerability, which sounds so straightforward and noble until you picture what that actually means. A good gauge of how vulnerable you are being is how nauseous you feel. And a dose of nausea, unfortunately, is usually what it takes to get close to strangers. When you make a friend, you give them the opportunity to hurt you, yet you have to accept that risk to have proximity. There isn’t another way to do it.

I CHALLENGED MY own nausea last year and decided to do something very vulnerable—to invite a community I barely knew to come to my house for Thanksgiving. I’d never cooked a turkey before. But we were away from our families for the first time on the holiday, and I figured probably a lot of other people were too. Maybe we could be a family for a day. I knew my heart needed a full dining table—so maybe others felt that way too.

I sent a message saying we’d have cinnamon rolls at our place during the parade, and I’d have a whole turkey for the feast. Anyone can attend, just bring something to share. I thought no one would actually want to come.

What followed was a lively 12-hour day. A rotating door of guests, bringing friends and relatives along, with homemade casseroles, leaving snow jackets at the door, and staying until late into the evening to play card games. Probably 20-30 people passed through our 700 sq. ft. apartment—I lost count.

I will always think of my first Thanksgiving in the city as an answer to prayer, a relief of that nagging fear that we would be alone. There was abundance waiting for me on the other side of fear, and I had to risk opening a door and setting a table to fully live in that abundance. I encourage you to use the Thanksgiving holiday to take that same risk. To briefly feed and provide warmth to weary workers, to create one small glimpse of the table waiting in heaven. We all need tables to hold us up.

EDITH SCHAEFFER, the author of The Hidden Art of Home-Making, changed the way I thought about my own space and how to welcome people inside. Her book‚ which combines theology, practical advice, personal anecdotes, and even her own illustrations, freed me from a hosting mindset of performance pressure and obligation. Edith argues we are all made in the image of a creator, and so we are all creative—she shifted my mindset to create out of an overflow of love.

She believed that every single person deserved the dignity of a tablecloth and a vase of little flowers at each meal; in fact, she was insistent on it. Her work and life inspire me to show up with my candlesticks and flowers, no matter what. Gatherings are for more than nourishing with food, but nourishing the souls around the table.

“I am sure that there is no place in the world where your message would not be enhanced by your making the place (whether tiny or large, a hut or a palace) orderly, artistic and beautiful with some form of creativity, some form of ‘art’”

— Edith Schaeffer, The Hidden Art of Home-Making

If you want to open your doors, take that risk, and welcome people inside, I have some practical ideas to help you execute a Thanksgiving (or friendsgiving or an Inkwell Locals dinner in the month of November) with creativity, whimsy, and joy. Included below are tips for planning the event, recipes, and encouragement for hosts.

Define the Purpose of the Gathering:

Priya Parker, the author of The Art of Gathering, writes, “The purpose of your gathering is more than an inspiring concept. It is a tool—a filter that helps you determine all the details, grand and trivial.” And later she suggests, “Reverse engineer an outcome: Think of what you want to be different because you gathered, and work backward from that outcome.”

So before you plan a turkey or date or time, plan the purpose. Why are you gathering, truly? Maybe it is to meet new people and connect, maybe it is to deepen relationships you already have, maybe it is to celebrate, maybe it is to lean on each other. Write it down on paper somewhere to be a guiding force for the decisions you make.

Who to Invite:

When determining who to invite, there are some parameters to help guide your thoughts. Instinctually, most of us want to say, “invite everyone!” I like the enthusiasm, but here are a few things to help hone in your guest list so it’s less overwhelming:

Consider how many people you can fit comfortably in your space. Do you need to get a fold-up table? Or do you need to slim down the list so people have room to move? You could also extend the party times to a “drop by” situation if you are determined to fit a crowd. Be sure to consider your guests’ perspectives as participants.
The guest list should be determined by your purpose. If you are hosting for new connections, you would invite a different crowd than if you are planning to deepen friendships you already have.

What to Do:

People like activities and purpose. Sometimes, as hosts, we try to avoid structure so as not to make anyone uncomfortable. But I’d argue guests actually really appreciate structure and schedule—it’s a kindness. This may be my former middle school teacher coming alive, but I actually think it’s helpful to have activity stations at gatherings. Give people places to go and things to do with their hands.

It’s simple. Leave out a puzzle or a deck of cards. Ask someone to help toss a salad. Print word searches out (seriously). Have a record player spinning with vinyl they could browse. Put a specific stack of magazines on the table for flipping through. Leave snacks to graze on in different locations.

If you are going to structure a time to eat, talk, pray, or share—let everyone know what time, and do your best to stick to it. Guests will appreciate having something to look forward to.

There is no pressure to do anything elaborate or frivolous, just make space for things you already love to do, and invite people into them.

How to Decorate:

I am a huge proponent of using what you already have, and also decorating with edible things! Cover the table with apples, make an arrangement of radishes if you must. I mixed tablecloths, bright cutlery, and elements of stainless steel to tie together a look that still felt finished and put together.

A few more ideas:

Decorate with taper candles because they are always a win for fall—beeswax smells great at the dinner table
Assign seats with little placecards if the group is just getting to know each other—it will help ease guests into place!
Tie ribbons on unexpected things as centerpieces
Let the food do most of the decorating
Use quilted placemats like Grandma had

What to Eat

I created a menu that tones down the traditional turkey dinner for a more casual (and fresh!) take on Thanksgiving favorites. I also designed a happy little menu printable that you can edit and make your own using this link, if you’d like to print menus for your guests! Enjoy the virtual recipe box below.

Turkey Cranberry Sliders

Roasted Carrots & Hot Honey Whipped Ricotta

Harvest Green Salad

Sweet Potato Sponge Cake with Black Sesame Frosting

“If you have been afraid that your love of beautiful flowers and the flickering flame of the candle is somehow less spiritual than living in starkness and ugliness, remember that He who created you to be creative gave you the things with which to make beauty and the sensitivity to appreciate and respond to His creation.”

— Edith Schaeffer, The Hidden Art of Home-Making

Remember that as the dishes pile high and the night gets late, how precious and sacred it is to gather around a table. We get to embody a bit of heaven each time we gather and give thanks. What an honor!

📸 Photography by Jenna O’Brien in her New York apartment